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Through the lost art of letter writing, a group of Onalaska fathers recently communicated some powerful messages to their families. For four months, the men met at First Lutheran Church in Onalaska as part of a national ministry called “Letters from Dad.”
The program aims to help men say the things they’ve always wanted to say but just didn’t know how.
“My dad never told me how much he loved me, but that’s probably the norm,” said organizer Jim Sysimaki.
“I know my dad loved me,” said Mark Wrolstad, another participant in the program, “but what I remember most from my childhood is the times he came down on me for something. How powerful it would have been to have a piece of paper from him telling me how much he cared!”
The prospect of conveying that sort of message to those they care most about seems to have motivated the 25 or so men who signed up for the “Letters from Dad” program.
It all began before Christmas three years ago when Sysimaki heard a radio program about the Letters from Dad program that was started by Greg Vaughn after his father died without leaving him anything much more tangible than an old tackle box.
“I thought it was a great idea and wrote letters to my kids and my wife for Christmas,” Sysimaki recalled.
At First Lutheran, Sysimaki was part of a small-group ministry task force that eventually decided to try the Letters from Dad approach with a group.
They met at the church —although the 25 or so participants did not have to belong to the church — one morning a month from January through April.
“We did a breakfast from 8:30 until 9, then the program from 9 until noon,” Sysimaki said. Each month the men were required to work on a letter to present to a specific person (wife, kids, parents, etc.).
Writing the letters was harder for some than others, but the program was very helpful for keeping everyone focused on what needed to be done.
Todd Lofald knew that it wouldn’t be easy.
“No matter what I think in my head, I tend not to say to my wife, my folks and my kids. The others help to keep you on task. It isn’t anything new or any kind of rocket science, but it works,” Lofald said.
Wrolstad and Drew Stapleton, professors at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse and Winona State respectively,
admitted that the writing probably came easier to them than some of the others.
“I’m kind of used to writing, but the most valuable part of the program for me was sharing ideas with the other men in the group,” Stapleton said.
After receiving a life-saving double transplant (kidney and pancreas) last fall, Stapleton felt a special need to pass on some knowledge and history to his daughters and his wife.
“My eldest daughter, Katie, really connected with it (the letter),” Stapleton said. “I wrote about personal things going back to when she was a baby, plus some family history and gave her a blessing. She was really touched.”
Wrolstad also had a special reason to write a letter to his oldest daughter. “She was going through a crisis in her life, and I wrote to let her know how special she is to me,” he said.
“I think my other two kids were stunned,” Wrolstad said. “It’s such a unique thing coming from me.”
As anyone who has raised a teenager probably knows, they don’t always want to share emotions with their parents. Some may say little more than “Thanks.”
That’s what happened with Sysimaki’s son. “Still, a few weeks later, I caught him reading it. I truly believe it has an impact,” Sysimaki said. “It (presenting a letter) can get pretty emotional, and it’s one thing that men tend to shy away from, so it’s pretty neat to hear the stories from the rest of the group — it was a great bunch of guys, and they shared some amazing stories.”
“Guys don’t generally talk about those kinds of things — but it wasn’t just baseball and the weather,” Wrolstad said.
Besides letters to their loved ones, the men had to write a “last letter” as if they were about to die.
“That was probably the hardest one for me,” Lofald said. “You have to decide what’s most important to you.”
All four men agree that the hard work was worth it. “I would highly recommend the program,”Lofald said.
“It keeps you focused — I don’t think anyone didn’t get something valuable out of it,” Stapleton said.
“The program can make a profound difference,” Wrolstad said. “It is potentially life-changing, relationship-changing.”
“It’s a way to get feelings from your heart down on paper and then on to those you love,” Sysimaki said.
Word of mouth about the program has been positive. “I’ve had a lot of people talk to me about it, and we’re looking at running it again in the fall,” Sysimaki said.
Anyone who might be interested in signing up is encouraged to call First Lutheran at 783-2236.
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